Since first grade,
I have bullied about looks.
And also, for my passion of books.
Reading anything I see,
Writing anything that pops into my head.
Along with my silliest thoughts and feelings.
I am not as pretty as a dove
And definitely not as graceful
However, I am free minded
So bullies listen up
You are the weird ones
Following superstars and athletes
While I am the normal one
With individual feeling
And
My very own fashion.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I second Sophie here, but it may be the entire premise of the poem that's the problem. Addressing bullies is rather...childish and doesn't really make for enjoyable poetry. Here you seem to be addressing your own problems with no regard for the reader. I haven't really gotten anything out of this poem. While you've done a good job of expressing your frustration, your efforts may have been misguided. Excellent points, but perhaps better made in a personal journal rather than in a poem.
I think you meant "I have been bullied about looks." Goodness, I hope the speaker hasn't been bullying people about looks since first grade.
Colleen
Yes, I agree, rhythm would be a nice addition to this poem. And take out the rhyme in the second and third lines - it's out of place. This seems very scattered and random and spontaneous - which can be a good thing, but it isn't here. Just keep in mind that almost all really great poems are revised hundreds of times, edited, poured through sives, cleaned, pawed through, dragged across the floor... the great poems may sound spontaneous, but that's because they are working to capture a moment or feeling or image or whatever, and the moment or whatever is spontaneous, not the work they put into it. I'd read over this a few more times and make some changes - I don't really have any specific critiques for you right now.
It's a great thought, so kudos on that front, but to be frank your lack of obvious rhythm was a little unappetizing. I don't mean to be rude, I just think that you could try revising to add a rhythm or some metaphors and similes. It is really good, though. Awesome.
Also, I don't think I've read any of you stuff here yet. Welcome to YWS!